This episode is kind of all over the place. It's really long too. I guess I had a lot to say. You'll see a lot of redactions in the document because I dipped too heavily into my personal life, and I don't want the stuff I talked about to be public. It's mainly related to my messy relationship life at the time. Anyways, for the context of the episode, I went with some friends to a carnival in my town and later went to a friend of a friend's house. We smoked before the carnival and met up with this friend of a friend, and when we did we decided to leave and have a bonfire. The following text is the result of that afternoon.




Green Tea Episode 5:


[REDACTED: Personal]


Imagining other situations in your head and then snapping back to reality is like us accidentally seeing a program in the code of the matrix where it’s running probability averages. MATRIX PROOF / MATRIX MECHANICS



John has a super high IQ and should be putting his mind to good use

DAD MOMENT: Realize how dad like that previous statement is. >>  think about what that means / story potentials >> snapping back to reality is like getting a matrix tail broken off, living the best life possible as determined by a computer program    >> matrix proof


Use dr strange avengers thing choosing possible futures as metaphor for what u learned this experience in general narrative that I spin after all this 


This doesn’t happen every time. Sometimes the program runs without you seeing it, it it’s quick enough. Maybe you have one quicksve allowance after every certain time span 


[REDACTED: Personal]


Porta potty


Even if I’m not dipping into real divine, it might as well be. Higher knowledge might as well be the same as divine knowledge. It’s an altered state of consciousness that brings us into a higher state of being / higher mode of thinking. In a deductive way, without having precious knowledge of divinity and religion, it could be called divine. 


Occasional depth of field shared sense of understanding with Sarah 


Both doctor strange mechanic and just seeing the inner workings of conversation and the matrix, just knowing how it works 


Johnny stole a sign 


Shrooms are the red pill matrix option, and my NPC characters or the program or whatever allows us to take these and back up from the control board of the matrix and see true divine knowledge (or just high wisdom), and lots of people don’t take the option and we aren’t allowed to talk about it’s true power in the matrix or we just can’t articulated bound by the vocabulary and ways of speaking of the program. It’s a strange situation. Maybe I want to back up from the control board from a second totally, not just gaining some lucidity and staying in the matrix while I do, I want a total step back at least once while it’s a prime time of my timeline to do so


MEANING. The word meaning, I realized what it means. Words can have multiple meanings >> a beautiful thing >> like art, having interpretations that can be so different >> I understand the appeal of interpretive art. Meaning, the thing, the program called “meaning,” is truly beautiful. I never realized that before, and a lot can be extrapolated from that 


[REDACTED: Personal]


Even if not literal, the matrix analogy is a perfect motivational tool and explains literal life well enough because it’s so accurate and the extrapolations might as well be literal because of how well they prove things deductively 


This life is Dr. Strange’s most perfect scenario


“Music is my drug” is our best way of saying music is the one sober, easily accessible thing that gets us closest to this higher state of being. Maybe cool/best to be blind than deaf if that is true.


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But I have other plans I’ve deductively gotten or gotten from the multimind/creative muse-well that are equally valid, and either wouldn’t affect my dream or would affect them minimally. My literal wisdom got misinterpreted. I have many options with various degrees of success and affecting the dream differently. But the effect of some timelines is so minimal that I shouldn’t even worry and just do it. My ethereal, impersonal self is screaming at me that this is true on multiple occasions but my ego refuses to believe it. [REDACTED] Maybe this is true. Maybe it doesn’t matter. I’m making a huge breakthrough. Eyes are getting hot because fire is hot and the sensation lined up with that realization. Very powerful moment, perfect, best doctor strange scenario.


Music is a drug, and Grateful Dead is the best synthesis of that drug (at least for me). Repeated and consistent returns on the drug. Other people have favorite bands but for me, GD is best of all time


There are more people in the future who you are compatible with. I’m ovveridijg the system to say this from the great beyond. My sober self will now interpret. Now all selves of myself must agree that I should seek out more people and trust that I will be united with my very best companion. This is the best future. MOTIVATION. This is your best future, trust that that’s true and everything not only happens for a reason, but for a good reason.


I agreed. I am open to other people 

GOT IN CAR. 11:27 PM

Being “in the zone” is another phrase to describe being in an altered divine state. This is another way music is a great drug; it allows sober people to get into the zone without any use of substance. The creative well of ideas is accessible here, especially in improv (which is why I like improv so much), and the music people write or perform is basically recorded statements of their higher selves in the form of music, words of wisdom in the language of music that must be interpreted and have its MEANING extrapolated by our sober, lower selves, and all of sober, “low” society.


Music and meditation are both ways to get here. Like the psychic said, meditation does the same thing as being high. THE METAPHOR’S ACCURACY CONTINUES. THE METAPHOR ABOUT US BEING IN THE MATRIX AND KNOWLEDGE SLIPPING IN FROM A HIGHER REALM. Divines/psychics master the art of interpreting higher knowledge and must present it in ways mortals (better word for sober low people) understand. Must be tough. Maybe they aren’t aware of what exactly they’re doing, maybe they are. I don’t know which is cooler, or which would make a cooler story idea (heh heh). Maybe my imagination is just wild and makes crazy interpretations of the normal world, in which case fictional storytelling/observational analysis/podcasting is my true calling (that last realization came as I wrote it. That wasn’t even me writing it, it was “ouiji typing” like John Mayer says)


BB King - Lucille

First few notes - Instruments are our way of communicating from the beyond >> cool how humans created that >> either cool that it’s divine’s plan or cool that we created music by ourselves and were able to create things that so well express human emotions/feelings / wisdom that can’t be expressed in normal vocal language. Cool in every way. Add to ODE TO MUSIC

Start previous paragraph with how music was my escape from my problems, brought me into this zone that felt like it was a vacuum, and none of my problems were real. Playing music was my first taste of a drug. Music was my first drug.


Drug - defined as something that brings us close into the realm of divine knowledge / higher carefree being, and potentially something that can bring great wisdom that can be infinitely interpreted thanks to recording technology, and can be interpreted an infinite number of ways thanks to everyone having a different background in their lives and different personalities.


I decide to try shrooms and take a look around the matrix control room, even if it’s unpleasant and I don’t like the state of being we’re in, or I have a bad trip for whatever other reason. Rn that’s the thing I predict would freak me out, that there’s a literal matrix control room and that’s why people have bad trips, they don’t like what they see when they realize that everything is an illusion. Either way, probably gain too much knowledge. 


PSYCHIC SAID NOT TO DO HARDER DRUGS. Teacher said to though. I think I’m going to hard limit myself to mushrooms, because I’m being hardly pointed towards them by the matrix.






Ramblin Man is about psychics in general, or people who are sensitive to the wisdom of the world. Either that’s an interpretation that comes from divine wisdom or I’m just very creative/imaginative. If it is divine wisdom, I wonder if they realized what they were saying or if the divine words came to them divinely and they just expressed the wisdom of the divines through their music. Same with Grateful Dead. 

“When it’s time for leaving, I hope you understand.” When you’re done seeing the truth behind the matrix and you’re going back to the real world after being high (it’s time for leaving), this rambling man (who is permanently stuck there and for a brief moment sees eye to eye with you and shares that mutually understood wisdom with you ) hopes that you understood what you learned and will apply it to your sober life.


(Suggested) Burning Spear - Estimated Prophet 


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Dreams - Allman Brothers

The song is about going into a trip with a bad mindset (this is my interpretation right now, it’s subjective and means a whole lot to a whole lot of people)

He gets up “another day,” or another high, with the blues. He’s going into a trip with a bad mindset. From this, he goes up to the mountain (reaching a higher plane of knowledge) and “sees what he can see” from this enlightened perspective. Because the enlightened perspective is tainted by his sour mood, he sees the whole world “falling” right down in front of him. He focuses on the negative and comes to realizations about the world that are pessimistic, looking at only negative divine wisdom out of choice. He didn’t make a conscious choice like “hey I want to have a bad trip now,” but by going in with a bad mindset he essentially made that choice and signed that contract. That’s why Terrence Mackenna thinks set and setting (mindset and the setting of a high) are so important. Your brain will grasp at whatever objective, truthful, impartial information it wants to find. From that, someone seeking to make themselves feel shitty will do so, and someone genuinely looking for knowledge or having a good time or being funnier or whatever will do so. Doesn’t always work when trying to do something physical like play an instrument, because the side effects alter our mortal video game characters of bodies, and we can only do so much from the beyond. We’re limited by our mortal abilities in terms of acting in the world. But we are pretty unrestricted when it comes to thought. 

The brain really is the most powerful, beautiful machine in the universe. That’s why we’re so obsessed subconsciously to create a synthetic brain. Partially from the desire to achieve / general drive to do the impossible (the primitive urge that drove us to the moon and across the Atlantic) and partially from a desire to create an entirely new perspective, even more different than any mortal, thinking being that human beings can produce sexually. We want someone else to talk to. Maybe my solipsistic self doesn’t want to feel as alone. Maybe the small group of solipsistic souls that operate billions of avatars around the world just want to add another person to the party.

I don’t know how many people are in the control room outside of the matrix, but my biggest fear is being the only one there and being totally alone as an immortal thing. This might be true if monotheism is so popular. Maybe I just say that because I was brought up to believe in one god and that idea is so engrained in me.

Gregg says he puts on a new face after he climbs back off of the mountain because he realizes the dangers of going into a high with a bad mindset. He knows that the best state to be in is to have a positive, optimistic outlook on the world and everything that’s true about it. Either that or he needs to reset his emotions because the general intake of all the enlightened wisdom is so great that he needs a reset to prevent himself from going insane. I think he repeats this verse because whatever this means, whatever it means to “put on a new face” after coming down from the mountain, it’s important enough that he has to repeat it twice.

The literal song “Dreams” between the three verses is the high itself, and anything that listeners feel or realize while hearing the song is their “dream,” or their little window into the divine. 


In Memory of Elizabeth Reed - I think this song is a musical conversation Dicky Betts had with the dead spirit of Elizabeth Reed. It is a message that she wanted to give the world from the great beyond, in a musical form that couldn’t be butchered by the limited English language. It also would be heard by many more people than the message would if Dicky just repeated it verbally. It needed to be in the form of a song for whatever reason. 


I just read some bill hicks quotes looking for a specific realization he’s had while high. I realized that “we are one” and “all is one” are literal statements. We are one being experiencing itself subjectively. What a beautifully eloquent way to say that, and it’s something so perfectly true that it’s sad that sober minds would miss it. Here’s the full quote:

“All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration... we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves.”


Why do we dream? It’s to give us something in the mortal world that allows us to understand what it’s like for an immortal god to create an entire world in his imagination. It’s a perfect analogy for what “real life” is, and without dreams there would be no way to understand as mortals what the whole of existence really is.


GOT HOME - 1:03 AM


Maybe call the podcast the Green Tea Highcast. Or the Greenleaf Podcast. It’s annoying that I already created accounts for greenteapodcast but I think it’s safest if I go for a more unique podcast name to avoid conflict with the established Green Tea Podcast™ 


Reuben and Cherise - much longer intro than I realized >> When I cover songs, I should remove as much artistic license from myself as possible >> I should be as accurate as I can be to the original song because there’s a good reason why the divines chose their message to be played that way. Artistic license is good because it adds new, unique perspective to a song that uses it as a vessel for new wisdom that is unrelated to the original song meaning. However, sometimes the original song meaning is so great and thought-out that it should be preserved because the message is very important.

Now when I cover music, I should do as much as I can to study the original and make sure I’m doing it justice, and make sure it’s okay if I promote my own message over the song. And it would help me make sure my message is similar to what my understanding of the original song is (if I’m trying to pay homage from the get-go and not intentionally project my own self onto it). 


I finally understand what this song means. “The truth of love an unsung song must tell. The course of love must follow blind.” These are the most important lines of the song and also the most cryptic, because they are about the overall meaning of the song but are so out-there that they seem to not fit with the flow of the story. But it turns out the entire song is a metaphor for love, and in my case my romantic life. The concept of love is so complicated that the truth of it, the divine knowledge of how it actually works, is so complex that an unsong song “must tell” it’s meaning. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I made the connection between that line and love as a concept using the extended metaphor I’ve been crafting throughout this episode, and I think it all fits perfectly.


I keep having moments of understanding exactly why something is the way it is. I think this is probably not accurate to a 100% level because I’ve been wrong about things before, but the feeling of how right I am, the feeling of having uncovered real truth, is very familiar to me now and that’s what I’ve been feeling tonight with random thoughts.


I want to elaborate on a realization I made at Citi Field Night 2. I realized that weed makes you hear music more closely, or you get the real truth of what the message of the music is. Having made all the connections and conclusions today, that makes a lot more sense and I can extrapolate more from that. I didn’t realize I could extrapolate so much at the time of thinking that thought, but right now it’s more deep than it seems. 

Weed makes connections between seemingly unrelated topics happen rapidly, and sometimes the connections are more stupid than they may seem from a sober mindset. Maybe they’re all true connections that seem so absurd from a sober mindset that they aren’t believed, but the connection is so roundabout and obscure that it just can’t be seen from ground-level sobriety.


Repeating theme of increasing altitude to reach enlightenment. Having dreams up on a mountain, Moses getting the commandments from the top of Mount Sinai, the effects of drugs being called a “high.” It’s another weird connection I made that seems like something Jordan Peterson would point out, since it’s an archetypal truth that’s so engrained in the way we speak that we don’t even notice it, when we probably should.


Again, weed making me see things with more open eyes or hear things with more open ears. I can see things for how they actually are—in a divine truth way—when I’m high. That, or it’s an entirely new perspective that might as well be divine because of how it’s only accessible through substances or hard training. An objective state of mind is the highest form of a high, and the ultimate goal of enlightenment. The most objective view of the universe possible is that of an immortal, omniscient being. We are driven to reach this pinnacle of wisdom because we all are that immortal “one.” We crave to be able to look at the universe the way god does, because we all are god and either miss that viewpoint in a homesick kind of way, or some other reason. 


You are “it.” A commonly used quote by Alan Watts and many people who have taken psychadelics. I think I understand what it means. I guess the entirety of the universe, all things we know to exist and all things that can exist, are us. They are encompassed in the mind of the immortal being. Because we all are the shared experience of this one immortal being, we are it. We are all there is. This god is it. 


[REDACTED] Maybe everything that is, all of existence, is perfect and good/evil are yin and yang on a grander scale. But one cannot exist without the other. To have great experiences, “high highs,” you have to pay your dues with low lows. The higher you want your highs to be, the lower the lows must be. Heroin is probably the ultimate high and the lowest low at the same time, and that’s why people both love it and fear it. [REDACTED]

Closing thought - 2:01 AM - Don’t lie.



Texted Nick this:

I’ve written pages upon pages as I thought all this out, but to summarize:

—There’s a Bill Hicks joke where he says we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, and I understand what that means now. I now believe in god because I know what kind of god to believe in / the kind of god that actually exists

—You were saying that you love math so much because it’s like understanding the fundamental code of the universe, and I want to add to that. Music is equally as baffling and beautiful. I think the font of inspiration that moves musicians to create music is based in a higher, divine reality, and sometimes super profound messages can be expressed through music that aren’t meant to be interpreted correctly until decades after it’s written 


He said a bunch in reply and I said more than just that text, but a quote of his that I really enjoyed was “I like to think of math as the sheet music of nature; it’s only a representation and means of encoding something that is almost indescribable.” 


     I’ve been thinking a lot about music and why it has a tempo. For the past few days I’ve noticed that its beat was important for whatever reason, but couldn’t think of exactly why. I think I’ve nailed it now. 

     If we consider that time is an illusion and all events at all points in time happen at once, then the entire history of our lives is already laid out like sheet music to a song or the entire text of a book. For whatever reason, the only way we mortal humans are able to understand things is by attributing some sort of meter, some sort of time to the process of decoding information. We live our lives with the meter of time, which we decided to standardize as seconds/minutes/hours/etc, and it’s the same with music. For whatever reason, there needs to be some sort of meter for our brains to be able to process and understand the meaning behind our lives and behind music. I think songs can have different tempos depending on the flavor of the message that’s trying to be pushed, or the mood of the band, or what-have-you. This is probably similar to why time seems like it moves at different speeds, or tempos, at different points in our lives. It could be a similar phenomenon as one song having multiple possible tempos and multiple possible meanings from those tempos. There might also be a tangential relationship between this and what Sarah said about live music, where a song might seem like five minutes and looking at the recording later on reveals it to be 20 minutes, or vice versa.


Also, I was thinking about how randomness / the unknown is where “God” is able to do his/its stuff. Things that can’t possibly be observed, like a computer algorithm that isn’t recorded or won’t ever be observed are perfect places for some divinely intervening being to change the course of some event. I’ve had texts missed that come in only when I open my phone and they’ve been 13 minutes late, signaling that whatever I was thinking about at that moment was probably not a good thing or wouldn’t end up in a good place. That, and choosing what song to listen to or play next has had a lot of relevant impact on how I perceive my situations / how I act on them, and it definitely feels like something is directly commenting on what I’m doing or thinking about, trying to help me along. This can either be done by giving me informative insight/information that gives me a fuller understanding of the situation, or it can tell me what the outcome of my actions will be.

     This ties into my thoughts on meaning, and how a single song or whatever can have multiple meanings depending on when you listen to it and what lyrics decide to jump out at you. The same song randomly heard at different moments in my life have given me so many different sorts of insight, and I think it’s a beautiful thing that music can hold so much potential future information for being the same static recording. A musician can’t possibly know how much their music will affect people down the line, and that unknowing multiplies as audiences get bigger and their legacies get older / reach generations further down the line.

     In terms of things we can more directly observe, I think we can perceive similar messages in the form of the “gut feeling” we oftentimes get, or the intuition that tells us in some unexplainable way how we should think or act in regards to the situations in our lives.


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